By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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