the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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