I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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