so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
