is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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