someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
