Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i was born a porn star she said
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
