Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
