I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
