hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize