so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
