I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
