idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
