We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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