Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
