I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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