I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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