he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
