He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
