It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
