I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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