On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
