I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
