happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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