so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
