Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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