So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
