I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
