I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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