Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I FOUND THE LEGS
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
