she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
