I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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