i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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