Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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