I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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