His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Is that strawberry winking at me??
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
