The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
