I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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