Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
just tell him i said nine months
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
