we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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