I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
