you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
