Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
