a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
