I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Even my vagina gasped.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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