my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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