no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Let's paint friendship bongs
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize