She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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