4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He shit in the fireplace
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
