shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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