FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
