I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
