Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
