Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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