there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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