And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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