well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It's just like the Real World with babies
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
