You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
