Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
