is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
NoShamevember. You game?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
