my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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