How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i think im in europe. pls send help
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
