At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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