he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
