You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
