i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
