when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
