it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
