she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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