I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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