and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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