The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
