As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
