Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
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