you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
