Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I have aggressive nipples.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
