Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
