I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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