my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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