This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
