I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
