I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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