Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
