Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
