He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
