Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
