oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Randomize
