"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I think I sprained my soul last night
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize