Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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