hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
