i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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