he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
