She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
