Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
