Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize