she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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