Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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