You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
